What if putting down the wine wasn't the end of your journey... but the beginning of coming home to yourself?
Welcome to Conscious Unbottling, the podcast for women who are ready to stop numbing, start healing, and create a life they no longer want to escape from.
Hosted by alcohol recovery and trauma-informed coach Megan Webb, each episode explores what really lies beneath the drinking: core wounds, limiting beliefs, nervous system dysregulation, people-pleasing, perfectionism, toxic relationships, and the patterns that keep us stuck.
You'll hear honest conversations about alcohol freedom, trauma recovery, narcissistic abuse, self-worth, emotional healing, and what it truly takes to rebuild a life you love. Along the way, Megan interviews inspiring guests who share their own stories, expertise, and practical tools for lasting change.
Whether you're sober curious, newly alcohol-free, or years into your journey, this podcast will help you understand yourself on a deeper level—with compassion, curiosity, and science-backed insights.
Because the real transformation doesn't happen when you simply stop drinking.
It happens when you consciously begin to unbottle the woman you've always been underneath it all.
You can be awake, talking, texting, even cooking dinner, and still lose the entire night. That is what blackout drinking can do, and it is as frightening as it sounds. I’m Meg, and I’m speaking plainly about binge drinking and blackouts because they were my normal for decades, starting from my very first drink at 18.
I break down the difference between binge drinking (drinking a lot, fast, often with the goal of getting drunk) and blackout drinking (your brain stops forming memories even though you stay conscious). I share how alcohol first felt like relief from social anxiety and harsh self-talk, and why that early “confidence boost” can quickly turn into a pattern that steals the moments you were most excited for. Missing my 21st, forgetting big events, and waking up full of dread were not one-offs, they were the result of chasing belonging through an addictive substance.
As life got busier, my drinking shifted from nights out to drinking at home, and tolerance quietly raised the stakes. One glass became two, then three, then bingeing nightly and blacking out while still “functioning” as a parent and worker. I talk about the modern fallout too: waking up to texts you regret, messages you deleted in a blackout, hidden bottles, and the daily shame of not knowing what you said or did.
If alcohol is taking more than it’s giving, you don’t have to hit rock bottom. There is help, there is hope, and support can change everything. If you want to talk it through, book a free discovery call via meganwebb.com.au, and if this resonated, subscribe, share with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more people can find honest conversations like this.
Hi guys and welcome to Conscious Unbottling Podcast. I'm Meg, and today I wanted to talk about binge drinking and blackout drinking. And the reason I wanted to talk about these two things is because they were both me. I was a binge drinker for my first drink and a blackout drinker for many of the drinks after that. I'm going to tell you what it looks like to be a binge drinker and a blackout drinker. I'm going to give you some examples from my life, and I'm just going to start by giving you a little overview of what each is.
Now, there's going to be all sorts of definitions on the internet. You can go and have a look, but just very briefly, binge drinking is drinking a lot in a short amount of time. The Australian guidelines say four standard drinks a day. So a binge drink would be more than that. For me, a binge drink meant that I drank fast and I drank a lot. Blackout drinking is when you drink quickly, usually on an empty stomach and a lot in a short amount of time, and your brain stops forming memories. You are still conscious. So you can still have conversations, send text messages, drive cars, do anything that you would normally, but you are not recording it. So the next day, you will have no memory of what you have done or said. Pretty freaky, pretty scary, and pretty much what I experienced a lot.
So I'll go through my life of drinking and give you an idea of what it was like to be a binge and blackout drinker. So my first ever drink at 18 was a binge. It was a cup of Jack Daniel, and it was straight, and I gobbled it down, and I got drunk very quickly. I don't recall if I blacked out. My only memory is I was camping with friends and I was crawling along the beach and someone said, Are you drunk? I'm so jealous. It could have been a blackout, or it could just be that it was years ago and I don't remember, but I did recognize at the time that it took away all this negative self-talk I had. It gave me some confidence. So it was definitely enticing to me, that first drink. Soon after that, next time I drank, I drank a lot. It was the only thing I ever knew. I actually never ever experienced drinking moderately or just having one, two, or three drinks in a night. I never experienced it. Probably I can count on one hand how many times I actually did that later, you know, in my 30s and 40s, but before that I never did it. So I was literally a binge drinker from day one. The blackouts started early as well. And there was more often than not bits of the night I wouldn't remember. So I started going out at 18 with my friends locally. We had a nightclub. Um, there were a few nights a week that there were dollar drinks or there were ladies' nights. So we we went out quite a lot. And I would binge drink every time I did. However, I could also have weeks or months off drinking. It it binge drinking doesn't really mean that you drink often, but it means when you drink, it's a lot. So I could take a break. That was no problem. But every time I did drink, I was getting messy. I was um saying and doing things I didn't want or didn't and didn't remember. But it was kind of like I had to get drunk. That's what binge drinking meant to me. It meant I'm drinking to get drunk. And that was related to a lot of things. Like I said, it helped. It helped, it was a self-medication. I've said in another episode how I had a social anxiety, so it stopped the shaking. So it was important for me to get a few drinks in quickly to get rid of that shaking so I could feel confident and I could connect with people. The problem was, from the word go, was that I always ended up in a mess. I always ended up needing to be dragged off to a cab or taken home or whatever it was. I mean, really, I put myself in some very, very dodgy situations and was very, very lucky that I was always fine. I'm grateful for that. Anyway, my binge drinking continued through my 20s and 30s and 40s until I stopped drinking. I gave up for my pregnancies, that was no problem. But every single time I drank, it was to excess. And that was at work events, going out for dinner, it was at weddings, it was family functions, it was every single time. And then the blackouts that pretty regular, that I'd you can have a partial blackout where you remember bits of the night, or you can have full periods of time that are just gone. Um, so there were some nights I didn't remember anything about, and there were some where I had sort of dot dots of memories. But it meant it meant that I spent a lot of my life not knowing what I'd said or done.
That was that was awful. In the early days, we didn't have phones, so thank goodness it wasn't recorded. But as I got to my 40s, that changed. And I'll tell you a bit about that soon. But going back to the early days, so after I had my daughter at 24, I didn't drink um while I was pregnant, I didn't drink for a few months after. And then there was one night, it was her christening, I think, one afternoon and night. And it was the only night I drank that year. But I got smashed because that's what I did. And I remember not being able to feed her and you know, panicking and hadn't really pre-thought. I I think I had one bottle to feed her, but I had to go and buy formula because she wasn't a formula baby, but I was, you know, I was that I'd had that much to drink that I didn't feel right feeding her for about 24 hours. Um, but that's how my life looked like, you know, if I had one occasion, it'd be, I'd just be so drunk and then I'd feel like crap the next day, obviously hung over and everything. But I'd I'd get really, really annoyed at myself because I'd really look forward to these occasions. And then I didn't remember most of it. It was really disappointing as well. And when I look back at some really big events that I'd look forward to in my life, I can honestly say I don't remember a lot of them. One of them was my 21st, and gosh, I was so nervous that I drank a bottle of Passion Pop before anyone arrived. And I still remember the next day waking up and going, what the hell just happened? I don't remember my 21st. And that was one of the most disappointing things for me was being so excited about something and then having no memory. And, you know, it breaks my heart a little to remember that because all I wanted was to be loved and have friends and have a boyfriend. But in doing that, I kind of blocked the chance for that to happen because I drank so much that I just no one wanted to, you know, have a relationship with that, or or you know, I'd pass out before the party got going, or I wouldn't remember, and then any connection I have made just would have meant nothing because I didn't remember it. So, you know, it's really hard to kind of think about that because I was just someone wanting love. And that was the bottom line. I was someone that wanted love and I was someone that believed I didn't deserve it, and alcohol became the tool for that, but it also became another reason I couldn't get it, which I didn't realize at the
time. So then I got to drank through, you know, part of my 30s, also had two more kids, so had time off. But it was my early 40s when I sort of ramped up my going out. So I'd had the kids and my friends and I were like, yeah, let's go out on the weekends and we can now. We've, you know, the kids are the kids are being minded, let's let our hair down. And and obviously every time I'd I'd drink too much. But then it kind of started to increase so that I was getting drunker quicker. I don't even know how that was possible, but I was making a fool of myself and you know, I was getting, I was in my 40s, and I'm like, this is not a good look. So then I started to drink at home, and it was a conscious decision to have a drink at home the first night I ever did, and it was um in relation to someone saying we should practice before we go out next weekend because our babies were growing up and we were out of practice for drinking, although I'm I probably wasn't, but I heard them say that and went, yeah, I'm gonna practice. I'm gonna have a drink at home. And I still remember that first time I bought a bottle of wine and took it home. So I was in my early 40s and I had about half a glass and it made me a bit tipsy. Or actually, it was probably a glass because my glass measures were quite big. So I say a half a glass, but it would have easily been a standard drink. But that's all I had, and I put it in the cupboard. And then slowly that started to be every night. And tolerance grows with addictive substances and the amount that we used to have to get an effect, we need more. So my one drink went up to two, went up to three, and I found that I was drinking before I went out. And then someone commented one night and said, Did you just finish a bottle of wine? I was at dinner with friends, and I was like, Oh no, they someone noticed, and I'd already been drinking before that, and then I didn't remember the rest of the night. And I woke up the next day and said, That is that's risky, people are noticing. So I pretty much kept to myself after that, and and my drinking increased at home, and uh and it got to the point where I was binge drinking at home every single night. So I was binge drinking and then blacking out. I had kids, I was always looking after them. I went to work, I did everything I was meant to, but there would come a point, six o'clock or something, where I would get into the wine, I'd drink it quickly, I'd, you know, that was it. It I clocked out of life. And a lot of the time I was blacking out. I'd wake up in the morning, I wouldn't remember who I'd texted because by then, obviously, phones, I had a phone and I'd wake up and see who I'd texted, regret it. I might have called people. Um, one thing I did often was hide the kids' technology because you know, it might have been bedtime or they might have I had trouble getting them off it, so I'd take it and hide it. And I did not remember where I'd hidden it. So the next day I'd have to pretend, oh, I'll get it in a few minutes, I'll give it to you soon, because I couldn't tell them I didn't remember where I'd put
it. But that became very regular, not remembering where I'd put things the night before. Sometimes when I was in a blackout, I'd drunk text and then delete it. And the next day I never knew I'd sent it. It didn't exist. And then someone would say something to me or text me and tell me I'd done, you know, oh, thanks for the text, or what did you mean by that, or whatever it was. And I realized I was in my blackout trying to protect myself by not knowing, by deleting it. Oh, that was awful. Other things I would do would be maybe to hide bottles and I'd forget, I'd forget I'd hidden them, and then someone might find them. I mean, oh my gosh, that was painful, and there was a lot of shame around that for me. So certainly my blackouts were looking different as I got older. It was horrible. I know there are people that drive in blackouts. I'm pretty sure I never did. Part of staying home in the later years was so I didn't do go anywhere, see anyone, drive anywhere. But definitely people drive in blackouts. There were times that I might have cooked dinner and then I would have drank, and then the next day I'd go to get leftovers for work and they would have been sitting on the bench all night. It might have been summer, you know, and I'd have to throw them out. Um, there were just so many things that just weren't how I would have wanted them to be. And I started to get even more shame around my drinking, guilt, embarrassment, just that self-hatred. And if I'm really honest, I had to increase my drinking. So there was a lot, a lot of my life spent about spent thinking about drinking in my 40s, um, about how I could have enough alcohol to get me through the night. I started to buy vodcast. The spirits had helped me get drunker quicker. It sometimes um I might have it so I didn't smell. Oh, the the amount of effort that went into hiding my drinking, but actually not really hiding it. I wasn't hiding it in any way, really. My family knew what I was doing. I was leaving a trail of texts and calls to, you know, friends. It was it was getting very hard to hide. But also, it was just I was getting more miserable by the day. Anyone that knows what I'm talking about will understand how drinking can become very, very much not fun. I was getting nothing out of it. I was drinking to numb the hell I was in, basically.
So upon reflection, I think the reason I drank from the very first drink was to connect, to feel loved, to feel a belonging. And alcohol took that away from me. And you know, now I can sit here and I can have I can have compassion for myself. Like anyone that is going through this, and it doesn't have to be as bad as I was. It you don't have to hit a rock bottom. But anyone that can relate to drinking more than they want or having blackouts, it doesn't mean you're weak or a failure, and it does not mean you're broken. To me, it meant I was a really deeply sensitive, scared uh person. I wanted love and I was scared of losing love, and that's why I drank. Alcohol is an addictive substance, so we use it for one reason and then it starts to get its hook into us. But underneath I was just a person hurting. And and that's that could be you too. I just don't want anyone to think that they're broken or they've done something wrong. There is help, there is hope, and I am here to walk beside you. I do put a lot of my success of being alcohol-free down to having support, having a mentor, having coaches, having friends who are alcohol-free. I could not have done this alone. That is one thing I'm 100% sure about. And since stopping drinking and healing and finding love for myself again and value in myself, I have been able to make beautiful connections that are deeper than anything I'd had in the past. I can do everything that I always wanted without alcohol, and it is just so fulfilling. And you can have that too. I'm here to walk along beside you if you
want. You can book a free discovery call with me. The link to that is on my website, meganweb.com.au, and we can have a half-hour chat together for free. We can see if we want to work together. And if not, I can point you in the direction of other resources. But just know that the best thing you can do is if you are feeling that alcohol is taking more than it's giving, or if you are binging or you're having blackouts, you don't have to hit a rock bottom. You can say, I've had enough and you deserve a better life. So I hope this episode has been helpful. I'd love to hear from you if you have a topic you'd like me to discuss. Please reach out. You can email me through my website or in the show notes. There's ways to contact me. But I'd love to hear from you. I'd love to cover topics that are of interest to you. Thank you for being here and I'll see you next week.
